Soul Searching

At the age of 43 and newly divorced, I found myself enjoying the company of younger men. By enjoying, I don’t mean dating, I am talking about amazing fuck fests. My best friend, Janis, kept hinting that I might need sex addiction therapy. I acquired an untamed lust that I felt younger men could handle without getting too attached. Those six pack abs and tight asses didn’t hurt either.  There were entire weekends that we never even got dressed. At times I thought “this one has potential, maybe I can turn this into a relationship.” However, like all the others before, I ended up feeling nothing and moved on to the next. 

A few weeks after my 45th birthday, I decided it was time for a change. I woke up next to my current lover and watched his chest rise and fall as he slept soundly. I lightly ran my hand over his solid pecks and down his tight stomach causing him to stir slightly. Unfortunately, that did not stir anything within me. “Erika, what in the hell is wrong with you,” I whispered to myself. Had I finally gotten bored with sex? I felt like I was in a rut and needed to get out. Maybe a move to a new city or a vacation. I wasn’t sure what, but I knew I needed something else in my life. I quietly slid out of bed and into my silk robe hanging on the bedroom door. I tucked my phone in my pocket and headed to the kitchen for coffee.

With a fresh cup of coffee in hand, I headed for the couch. After getting comfortable, I picked up my laptop off the side table and started surfing the net. I didn’t really have a city in mind that I would consider moving to, so I decided to look at vacation hot spots. Beaches, mountains, cabins in the woods and high-rise fancy hotels. Nothing stood out or appealed to me. I seemed to be totally stuck in this rut I called my life. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent a text to Janis. 

Erika: Janis, help me! I’ve lost my sex drive!

Janis: OMG! It’s about damn time.

Erika: This is an emergency! What am I going to do when Chris wakes up?

Janis: The same thing you always do, just skip the morning sex part

Erika: That will make it awkward

Janis: OK fine! But this is the last time I am faking a breakup and rushing over there!

Erika: Thank you! You know I love you

Janis: See you in 15. Make sure this one is dressed! At least mostly.

I waited a bit to get my timing right, then rushed into my bedroom holding my phone. I sat down next to Chris and started to gently shake him. “Chris…Chris, you need to get up,” I said frantically. His eyes slowly opened, staring into mine. I am going to miss those sweet brown orbs, but it was time to move on. “Erika? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asked. His eyes began searching my face, waiting for me to answer. “I am fine, it’s my friend Janis. She has had a terrible fight with her boyfriend and is on her way here. I’m sorry, but we will have to reschedule our plans.” Chris sat up and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. “I understand. You need to be there for Janis. I will head out and we can talk later,” he told me as he stood up. I watched him get dressed and wondered how I could let that gorgeous body go. I shook my head just as I heard the doorbell, followed by some knocking. I dashed for the front door; Chris was casually following behind me. I unlocked the door and started to open it when Janis barged in. Her face was pale, and her eyes were red and watering. She was sobbing as she leaned in to hug me. I wrapped my arms around her as Chris stepped out the door. I waved to him, and he closed the door behind him.

Janis was a great actress. I was so thankful for her friendship. I let her go and locked the door. “You are amazing, thank you so much!” I said. She wiped her face and looked at me for a couple minutes before speaking. “Erika. I love you, but you have to stop doing this. Try a one-night stand once a month or something.” I smiled at her “I know, I need to make a change. I am in a rut. Nothing appeals to me. Not sex, not a vacation, I don’t know what is wrong with me.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the couch to sit down. “Change your routine and take a break from men for a while. Take a cooking class or something!” she said. “Okay. Okay, I will find something else to fill my downtime for a little while. I promise.” I said with a sigh. She stood and hugged me quickly before heading out the door. I headed for the shower in hopes it would clear my mind.

As promised, I started a new routine that evening. I downloaded a mystery crime story on my Kindle and dove into trying to figure out who did it. On Monday morning, I took a different route to the office and home for a change in scenery. By Wednesday, I had joined a gym near my house and started burning some of the pent-up energy there after work. On Friday evening, I was just getting dressed after a shower when I heard Janis’s ringtone on my phone. I had not spoken with her since Sunday when she left me with the promise I had made to her.   “Hi Janis!” I said.  “Erika! How are things going?  Have you been able to make some life changes?” she asked.  “I have and they are going great!” I told her.  I told her about the few changes I had made and assured her that I was sticking to it. Every evening at bedtime, I would get wrapped up in the mystery of the book I was reading. I found the mysteries to be very addicting and some nights I stayed up too late. 

Three months into my new routine, it was now summer. Unable to find a vacation that appealed to me, I decided to take a few Fridays off over the summer. I woke up to a beautiful summer day and decided to take a walk before it got too warm. I hopped in the shower, threw on some shorts and a tank top, then headed for the lake.  After a long stroll on the trail that runs along part of the lake surrounded by trees, I found myself near the docks. I felt the urge to sit at the end and hang my feet over the edge, so I headed down the first dock I came across. I was so focused on my destination; I didn’t notice the man loading things onto his boat. “Well hello there beautiful.” I heard a male voice say.  Startled, I looked over and said “hello, it’s a beautiful day to be out on the water.” He smiled at me and replied, “it sure is! In fact, I plan on spending the entire weekend on it.”  Never having been on a boat that size, I took a closer look. It was a gorgeous, large yacht with a couple of levels. “Wow, I bet you could spend a week or more on your boat. I wish I could find a way to escape like that” I said.  Laughing, he said “yes, it is a great way to relax and get away.”  Noticing he had lots of things to get loaded, I smiled and turned to head toward my original destination.

While walking towards the edge, I found myself daydreaming about escaping with a stranger on a boat for a couple of days.  He wasn’t young like the recent lovers I had found myself attracted to, but he was extremely handsome. He was at least 6 foot tall, he had blue eyes the color of the ocean and the muscles in his arms were well defined.  “Probably married too,” I mumbled to myself.  Since the decision to change my life, it had been a while since I had a good fuck.  Too long, if my current thoughts were any indication. I slipped off my sandals and sat down on the edge of the dock then shook my head to clear it.

Lost in my daydream, I didn’t hear anyone approaching, suddenly the attractive man is sitting down next to me. I look over at him and I find him staring intently at my face.  “Do I have something on my face?” I asked.  He smiled and said, “Your face is perfect, in fact, I find you very attractive and would like it very much if you would join me on the boat.”  I think my jaw dropped because he then said “I know this probably seems strange, but we are both adults and besides, you did say you wish you could escape. I would very much enjoy having you escape with me.”  Still stunned, I said “I, ahh, I don’t even know you, I don’t have any of my belongings with me and I must be crazy cause I could see myself saying yes right now. However, I am trying to make changes in my life, and I am afraid that may lead me back down a road I want to escape.” He paused a moment and said, “Okay, let’s take a few minutes to get to know each other. Hi, my name is Paul.  I am escaping for the weekend because I need to clear my head and avoid thinking about everything I am dealing with. I think you could help me. It would be nice to have someone along who doesn’t know me.  You don’t need anything, and I wouldn’t think you’re crazy if you said yes.”  Searching his face, I hesitated a moment, “Hi Paul, my name is Erika. I appreciate the offer, but I find you very attractive and I am afraid that would be bad for the life change I am trying to make.”  He stared into my eyes and said “We do not have to act on our desires, I would genuinely like your company. If anything were to happen, it is not my intent, but I would have no regrets so what do you say?” Knowing that he understood it would probably only be a weekend and that he expected nothing from me, I smiled at him and shook my head yes.

Paul grabbed my hand and led me to the yacht. After helping me on board, he told me to take a walk around the boat. While Paul started up the cruiser and headed to open water, I took myself on a small tour. It appeared to be a small apartment that could float! I headed to one of the upper decks to take in the view. “Damn, I wish I had my suit,” I said out loud as Paul was coming up the steps. He laughed and said, “you don’t need a suit, no one will see you.  Can I get you something to drink? I am fully stocked with water and wine.”  “Water would be great, thank you,” I said. When he left to get drinks, I turned to look over the rail at the water as we floated over small waves. It was mesmerizing and beautiful. I heard Paul approaching and turning to face him, my mouth had begun to water. He had removed his shirt, and I couldn’t take my eyes off his torso. When my eyes reached his face, I found his eyes roaming my body. He stepped close to me, staring into my eyes and handed me the bottle of water. I think my mouth went dry cause I found myself opening the bottle and taking a large drink. Paul slowly took a step back and said, “Let’s go sit on the lounge chairs in the shade, the sun will start feeling really hot since we are not moving.”  I followed him to a small, covered area with a few chairs and a table. 

Paul and I spent the entire afternoon talking about our lives. It was refreshing and therapeutic. Paul mentioned his reason for this weekend getaway was due to constant court battles with his ex-wife. She was continuously trying to get more money out of him and dragging him to court without having any real reason. He was paying the court ordered child support and following the visitation rules set by the judge. She was using his son as a pawn in a game. He was exhausted and just wanted to find something that would bring him joy even if only for the weekend. I felt so sorry for him and all he was dealing with. My sex addiction and inability to commit was nothing compared to what he was going through. I told him about my untamed lust and the rut I had fallen into along with my promise to Janis.  “I understand your initial hesitation to join me,” he said.  “I have been trying to change things up a bit, searching for something to help me escape the empty feeling inside, but all I have managed to do so far is try new things,” I replied.

Paul stood up and slowly walked over to my chair. We looked intently into each other’s eyes as he leaned down and framed my face in his hands. As he leaned in closer, I could smell the subtle scent of his cologne. His lips touched mine gently before he tilted my head and kissed me deeply. My eyes closed and I moaned softly. My hands reached up and wrapped around his neck as the kiss intensified. All rational thought left my mind. I wanted this man in a very bad way. Paul broke the kiss, still framing my face with his hands, he stared into my lust-filled eyes and smiled.  “That was incredible, I am not sure I can stop myself from doing that again at some point,” he said quietly. I smiled back at him, “I am at a loss for words, and I don’t think I would want you to stop doing that again.”  Paul removed his hands from my face and said, “we should eat.  I will head to the kitchen and make us some dinner.  Please relax and I will return shortly.”   I watched him walk away and I knew I had met my match. I wasn’t going to be able to keep my promise, but I also was not sure I was going to be able to keep this a weekend only affair.

Paul and I ate perfectly cooked Salmon and salad while talking about our favorite foods.  He was charming and funny. When we finished eating, I helped him clean up and put dishes away. The yacht really felt cozy and had all the amenities of my apartment. Paul poured us each a glass of wine and we headed back out to the deck. The sun had started to set, and it was so beautiful. As if in a trance, I found myself walking toward the rail to view it reflecting off the water. Paul set the wine glasses down on the table and walked up behind me. His arms wrapped around my waist, and I leaned back into his chest. I felt like I was in a dream, it felt so natural in his arms. We stood like that for a long while, quietly watching the sun go down. When it was dark, Paul turned me to face him and ran his hands up my sides. He leaned in and captured my mouth with his. My hands moved slowly up his bare chest and wrapped around his neck. His hands moved up and down my back, then he reached between us and cupped my breasts. I knew there would be no stopping this now.

Paul unbuttoned my shorts and slid the zipper down slowly. My shorts then hit the deck floor in a soft pool. He slipped his fingers under my tank top and slowly moved it up my body and over my head. In dressing quickly this morning, I wasn’t wearing a bra or panties, so I stood completely naked in the moonlight. My nipples were hard, and I swear my pussy was dripping. Lack of sex and untamed lust took over and I found myself reaching for Paul’s shorts and pulling everything to the floor. I ran my hands up his legs and kneeling before him, I took one of his balls into my mouth, then the other one. I ran my tongue down the length of his shaft and sucked the tip of his cock into my mouth for a second. I ran my hands up over his stomach following with light kisses until I was standing. I pushed him lightly until he started to walk back toward one of the lounge chairs. His hands roamed my body as he kissed me gently. When we reached the lounge chair, I nudged him to sit and straddled him. I grabbed his cock and inserted the tip of it into my very wet pussy, then I slowly slid down his shaft moaning. I let out the biggest sigh as I embedded him deep inside me. It felt so good, I thought I would orgasm right then and there. He pulled me close and covered a nipple with his wet mouth as his hand began rubbing and pinching the other one. He moved his mouth to my other nipple, and I cried out as an orgasm came out of nowhere. Paul groaned, picked me up, turned me around to lay me on the deck and started pumping hard and fast. He grabbed my tits with both hands, thrusting deeper, faster, harder until I cried out again. After the last spasm, Paul threw back his head and pumped his seed into my quivering body.

Paul collapsed next to me on the deck and rolled onto his back. We both stared up into the stary sky as we calmed our breathing. Something about this felt very different from all of my previous lovers. The sex was incredible and felt a little more passionate than normal for me. I glanced over at Paul who was staring intently at my face. He smiled and moved in to kiss my lips gently.  “Are you thirsty? Would you like some water or something?” Paul asked.  I was at a loss for words, I just smiled and shook my head no. Paul turned his head back to look at the stars. I moved closer and laid my head on Paul’s chest and closed my eyes. He wrapped his arm around me and sighed. I didn’t typically cuddle after sex. I assumed it was because that symbolized something long term. This felt so natural, and I decided to go with it instead of analyzing why.    

I woke up on a soft comfortable bed, wrapped up in a blanket. Paul must have carried me to bed sometime after I fell asleep. I could see a sliver of sunlight through the small window in the room.  Instead of going in search of my clothes, I threw on one of Paul’s shirts and freshened up in the bathroom. I found Paul making breakfast and sat down at the small table on the deck just outside the kitchen. “That smells delicious,” I said. Paul turned toward me and replied, “You’re just in time for some eggs and pancakes.”  He brought me over a plate and sat down across from me. We didn’t discuss the night before, but the way we were looking at each other spoke volumes. 

After we finished breakfast and had everything cleaned and put away, we headed out to the front deck for some sun. Paul had moved the yacht to a quiet secluded area of the lake.  The air was warm and breezy, the water was calm and relaxing. Paul took my hand and pulled me up, then slowly lifted the shirt I was wearing over my head. He cupped my breasts with his hands, rubbing his thumbs over my nipples. A moan escaped my lips as he began slowly kissing my neck. I reached over and pulled at the elastic waistband on his shorts until they slid down and wrapped my hand around his solid cock. I heard his breath catch as I lightly squeezed his cock before moving my hand up and down. Just being close to this man had my pussy wet and wanting. He pulled me closer as he kissed his way up to my waiting mouth. His tongue dancing with mine, he cupped my ass with his hands and lifted me up off the deck floor. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he walked us back toward the railing. When my back side reached the railing, I gripped it with my hands as Paul slid his cock slowly inside me. “Oh god, you feel so good,” he said when he was fully engulfed inside my pussy. I wrapped my arms around his neck and began kissing his neck as he slowly slid his cock in and out. I was so turned on by this man, it didn’t take long for me to feel an orgasm approaching. I lightly bit Paul’s earlobe and whispered, “Fuck me harder, I want to cum all over your cock.”  Paul groaned and began pumping inside me a little faster. “Make me cum Paul, please, make me cum!” I said louder.  Paul pumped faster and using the railing as leverage, he pushed inside me as deep as he could go with every thrust. I knew he was close too, he buried himself as deep as he could go and as soon as I felt his cock pulse, my orgasm hit, and my pussy squeezed his cock tight.  We rode out our orgasms together. As soon as we both could catch our breath, he slid his cock out and set me carefully on my feet. 

Paul stared into my eyes for a long moment. I swore he could see into my soul. I was really enjoying his company and his sex.  “I am going to take a dip in the lake, would you like to join me?” Paul asked.  “That’s a great idea, I would love to,” I replied. He led me to the back of the boat where there was a small platform and stairs to get in and out of the water. We dove in, the water was refreshing and cool. We spent an hour swimming, splashing and floating around. We laughed and kissed and groped each other as much as possible. When we started to get tired, we headed back to the boat and climbed on board. Paul went in search of some towels. We dried off on the lounge chairs enjoying refreshing fruit smoothies Paul brought out with the towels. We spent the afternoon in casual conversation. Paul didn’t mention his troubles and I didn’t mention my rut. Conversations were so easy and fun with Paul, it was like talking to an old friend.

Time seemed to fly by as we enjoyed each other’s company. My stomach growled indicating it had been quite a while since we last ate anything. Paul heard my stomach and laughed while grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the kitchen area. We settled on a quick pasta dinner and dove right in. After we finished eating, we sat on the deck with a glass of wine watching the sun set. After the sun went down, I took the wine glasses below to finish cleaning up. As I was bent over putting the last dishes in the cabinet, I felt a finger slide between my legs and start playing with my clit. Before I could stand up, Paul had grabbed me around the waist to pull my ass up towards his groin. I grabbed onto the counter as he released his throbbing cock from his shorts and thrust inside me. I let out a soft moan as he began to move in and out slowly. He ran his hands up my back and reached around to my bobbing breasts. With his hands caressing my tits, playing with my hard nipples, I tightened my grip on the counter. I started begging as he continued to move in and out slowly, pulling almost completely out before slowly filling my pussy again. He moved his hands down my sides and reached one hand around to find my aching clit. As he began rubbing my clit and pressing a little harder on it, I began to sob. I could feel my orgasm building and I wanted release so badly. He began pumping in and out a little faster and rubbing my clit a little faster and harder. I pushed myself back into him and came so hard the juices began sliding down my inner thighs. Paul grabbed my hips with both hands and fucked me hard and fast until he groaned and with one last deep thrust, he burst inside me. 

It was our final evening together on the water and a part of me was feeling sad knowing this was going to be over soon. We hadn’t spoken about anything going beyond the moment and I wasn’t sure either of us knew what we were really feeling. It wasn’t just sex; I was used to sex just to have it, so I knew this was different. I snuggled up next to Paul and stared up at the stars. Wanting to enjoy this last beautiful evening, we made a bed on the deck. The moon was shining bright in the clear evening sky. Paul pulled me closer and slowly kissed me. He broke the kiss and looked back up into the sky. I breathed a deep breath and sighed before closing my eyes. We didn’t speak a word as we faded off to sleep. 

Paul and I woke to the sun shining bright on the deck. He didn’t say anything, but I knew he was feeling sad too. He pulled me close and kissed me deeply. While I usually enjoy a bit of foreplay before sex, this man had me so hot and ready with a simple touch. I reached over and slid my hand in his shorts to stroke his erection. He moaned and thrust his tongue in my mouth to dance with mine. His hand slid under my shirt and fondled my breast. We broke off the kiss and quickly began removing our clothing. I couldn’t get him inside me fast enough. I straddled him and slid my pussy down his cock slowly. I slid all the way down and placed my hands on his chest. Staring into each other’s eyes, I began to ride him slowly, feeling his cock rub against the walls of my pussy. Paul groaned and grabbed my ass lifting me and sliding me down his cock again and again. I couldn’t believe how quickly my orgasms developed with Paul. I was so close already and I couldn’t take it anymore. I gripped his chest and moved faster. Riding him as hard and fast as I could until my orgasm hit “Oh YES! OH, OH!” I yelled as my pussy convulsed around his cock over and over. Paul gripped my hips and pushed up into me while releasing a loud sound from his throat. I rode out his orgasm, soaking up everything last drop I could get from this man before leaving.

We laid still for a while in the sun enjoying the warmth. Paul got up and headed for the kitchen, bringing me back water. I sat up and drank vigorously from the bottle while he slipped on his shorts.  “I am going to pull the anchor and head us back to the dock. You go ahead and enjoy the sun out here,” Paul said. While Paul got us moving, I slipped back into my clothes and walked over to the rail. I watched the waves as we moved through the water. Before we got to the dock, I headed inside to find a paper and pen. I wrote down my phone number and my address with a simple note saying I would love to see him again someday. I looked around for a place to put it so he wouldn’t find it until he was unpacking. I located his clothes bag and laid it carefully inside.  I wasn’t sure what Paul was feeling or if he was even interested in anything beyond this weekend. I did know we shared a very strong connection.  He knew I didn’t think I was capable of commitment, and he was dealing with a demon as well. 

Paul got the yacht docked and came to find me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight against him. I could feel his heart beating against my cheek. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed to let him know I felt it too. We slowly broke apart and I searched his eyes for a sign, but I really didn’t know what I was looking for. I could see longing in his eyes, but he didn’t speak. I stretched up on my tip toes and touched his lips gently with mine. He framed my face with his hands and kissed me deeply, then released my face. I took a couple of steps backwards and turned to get off the boat. I left him staring after me as I walked off the dock where we met. I think a part of me fell in love with Paul during that short time we spent together, but I wasn’t sure I really knew what love was anymore.

copyright 2024 DawnM